This week I had more ‘me time’ then I have probably had over the last 16months ( note ‘me time’ doesn’t have to be on your own) I had time for just me, time for Shaun and I and also time (daycare day) to get things done with work and around the house. So why was I not jumping for joy with excitement?? …… MUM GUILT !
When I look back over the last 16 months I can now see that the main thing stopping me from having more ‘me time’ was well… ME.
Motherhood and guilt seem to go hand in hand for so many different reasons and in many cases it’s actually unnecessary. Guilt for wanting your baby to sleep more, to eat what you cook them, for getting frustrated, for being tired, taking them to daycare, for having to work, getting them minded by family or wanting some time for yourself….the list goes on and it seems this guilt just follows us everywhere.
I was lucky enough to have a bit of time for ME on Saturday and went and got my hair cut, energy healing (chakra healing), had a bike ride along the beach and a cheeky wine or two with my boss and dear friend Sam @middleton_hair . Heaven I tell you and much needed.
Although I could have enjoyed it more……. I’ll get to that in a second.
Sam is a motivated and extremely talented girl boss an expert when it comes to hair, aromatherapy and and all round amazing a wonderful soul (I’m not sucking up here lol she will be way to busy to read this) and when i went down for my cut and some time out for me we had plenty of time to talk and a lot of what was said has really stuck with me. I found her chakra reading so relevant and i thought it would be great to share as it is relevant to all us mamas.
The main thing that stuck with me and the reason for this post was about letting go of that guilt and enjoying the time you have allocated for YOU completely. As parents/ mothers we are constantly thinking of others and putting our needs last. Its only natural and we begin this selfless journey during pregnancy and it stays with us and although it is one of our best traits it is something we need to learn to let go of again at certain times.
Something that Sam picked up with me was an imbalance in my heart chakra something that is very common in women and mothers as we are always torn between making decisions with our head and our hearts. Your probably wondering where I am going with all this and I will give you a perfect example.
Before leaving your little one with your partner, your family or at daycare you have a list you check off that you have everything they need to get through without you. You are then leaving them in capable hands where they will be looked after and yes they may miss you as you miss them but they are generally happy as they get on with their day. You walk away and then BOOM that guilt creeps in and before you have even been gone 5 mins you are already planning how you will get back to get them, why you shouldn’t be doing what your doing…..am I right??? Relate?? So your torn between knowing everything is ok in your heart and allowing everything to be ok in your head.
Before i left on Saturday for my appointment I had put Aria down for her nap, made her lunch and made sure everything was fine and prepared and triple checked everything with Shaun. Which of course it was she was with her daddy. So why when i get there why was I constantly looking at the time? I checked in by message a few times to see how she was… Did she eat? How long did she sleep blah blah blah….. then went ahead and talked about it with Sam. STOP!!!!!!!! What was I doing???
This is where all of what Sam said really hit me. That in order to really enjoy that ‘me time’ I needed to get out of my own head and relax. Allow myself that time from when I leave to when i get home to truly be about me. Give myself that couple of hours. Aria is fine and if there was a problem of course I would be contacted.
Your still probably wondering why I am telling you all this?
I think all us mamas need to give ourselves a break. Wether its 10 mins, an hour or a whole day and when you have given yourself that time away enjoy it! Guilt free! You deserve it after all. I don’t think its something we can just do automatically but its something we can teach ourselves to do again and we can start striving for each time we do something for ourselves.
The other part I found this relevant too is in regards to daycare. We are new to the whole daycare thing in this household and I know I am not alone in saying that there is always some amount of guilt that comes with dropping your babies off there. Another thing that we need to adjust to and teach ourselves to except and not feel guilty for. Again we are torn between our head and our heart but you have to do what is needed and when its needed in your household to give your littles ones the best life you can ( and all our circumstances are different). If that means both parents have to work full time, part time or whatever it may be then thats what you gotta do, remembering again that they are in capable hands, learning. playing, with other little ones and being looked after and you and your partner are doing what you gotta do! I know it’s something a lot of parents/ mums struggle with and I didn’t fully understand myself until Aria started.
Although I do almost all of my work from home I still struggle with wether I am managing my time properly around Aria and giving her the time and attention she needs. This is one of the top reasons for putting her into daycare, so I can manage things better as my workload increases and allow her to have the care and attention she deserves while I’m getting things done.
So here are my thoughts and somethings I think all us mums need to be reminded:
*Give yourself that time for just YOU. Make it a priority. Make that time happen. Wether it’s once a week, a fortnight or a month (whatever suits your family circumstances) take that time and enjoy it completely. Guilt free!!
*Remember that time away from your loved ones/ little ones is a part of life wether it’s for work, me time or your own sanity just remind yourself why you are doing it and don’t let the guilt consume you.
* That we can do anything but not everything – I think sometimes we put to much pressure on ourselves. It’s ok not to have it all together all the time, we are human after all.
I am aware that reading this will not make the guilt go away. We will always feel it on occasions but I am hoping it will help you reset and manage it better. I know hearing all this helped me put a lot of things into perspective over the weekend and although I missed Aria dearly when she was at daycare I was able to get on with my day and work without letting the guilt consume me and next time I schedule myself some ‘me time’ I’m going to allow myself to enjoy it fully. Guilt free!
Motherhood / parenting is an amazing journey but it isn’t easy and I think we could all use being a bit more mindful of our thoughts and the pressure we put on ourselves. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. Remember what an amazing job you are doing and why you make the parenting choices you do, or why we have to make some of the choices we do and stand by them and most importantly allow yourself to have some time just for you and enjoy every minute of it! You deserve it!
I’d love to know if you can relate ? Or if you know a mama that might benefit reading this as a reminder of how amazing she is and that she is not alone in these feelings of guilt, worry and stress please tag them on the related Insta post so they too can be reminded.